When getting closer to the delivery of my daughter, Lina, I was always fascinated to read the birth stories of other women. It felt so empowering to understand that just like no two mothers are the same, no two births are the same either. These stories gave me strength to know that whatever happened in labour and delivery, that it would/could still be beautiful. It was for this reason that I decided that I would write out the story of my daughter’s birth so that it could be that for someone else. I hope it gives you comfort and strength in your upcoming journey. Whatever your birth plans are, and whether or not they actually go to plan, remember that the safe arrival of your bundle of joy is the ultimate goal.
Please note that I am not a doctor and that the views/opinions shared in this post are mine. If you have a similar situation, please contact your health care professional for advice.
My labour story began on Saturday morning (February 6th, 2021) when I lost my mucus plug after waking up. Already a whole week past my due date, I was pretty damn excited to know that this could mean that things were finally coming along. Up until this point, I had experienced zero Braxton Hicks contractions and was discussing with my midwife, Melanie, about an induction. We had actually put me on the list to be induced the same day (Saturday) but since my baby was doing well and I had no complications, I was not priority and would likely not get to have my induction scheduled. When I spoke to Mel, she mentioned that contractions could start quickly or we could be looking at a couple of days. "Just get some rest and I'll call you when I hear about the induction", she said.
Well, Lina had other plans...
At 4 pm, after waking up from a nap, I had a gush of water come as I was walking towards the bathroom. As many pregnant women can attest, you have a lot of random fluids coming out of you, especially near the end of your pregnancy so I wasn't entirely sure I didn't just pee myself. I called Mel to confirm if I had just in fact peed myself or if this was my water breaking. She asked if it was still gushing - yes it was - and so she told us to meet her at the Montfort because, as I was Group B Strep (GBS) positive, I had to go on antibiotics right away so that if I went into labour, Lina wouldn’t be as susceptible. It was GO TIME.
When I was admitted, Mel checked my cervix to see how dilated I was (I still had not had any contractions yet). I was only 2.5 cms which meant I would need to help along my progress. Since Lina was determined to possibly have three cords wrapped around her neck, the best option for us was to start with oxytocin as that would stimulate contractions and move us along. It was used as the method of choice because it could be stopped within eight minutes if she did not respond well to it or went into distress. This was in an effort to avoid an emergency C-section.
I was hooked up to an IV drip and now had both the antibiotics and the oxytocin dripping into me. I've never experienced being given IVs before so I had no idea how much swelling this would end up giving me (I'm still experiencing swelling as I'm finally editing this blog post on February 15th, 2021). The plan was to check my cervix after eight hours to see how dilated I would become. During this time, I got to experience contractions and was able to breathe through them and use normal comfort measures (bath, heat pads). The eighth hour finally came and I was checked to see my progress - still no more dilation. I was a little discouraged but decided, with my midwife and the OB who was on call, that I would continue on the oxytocin and be checked in another eight hours to see the progress. At this point, since it was already almost 2 am (Sunday, February 7th, 2021) , I was also given Nubain in order to alleviate some pain before I went to bed as I would need some rest before needing to (hopefully) labour. I was also instructed that I could not eat any solid foods beginning now as I could need an immediate C-section should there be any issues. They increased the dosage and I went back to experiencing the contractions.
After the second check of my cervix (and no progress), we decided to go with the next option which was misoprostol (same drug used for miscarriages). This was not recommended as the first option because you take an oral pill for it, meaning it can’t be removed from your system once it’s added. Due to the cord situation, this was something they were wary of, I was given a smaller amount than what you would be given for a miscarriage as it’s meant to encourage your body to create oxytocin and stimulate contractions. Since my body wasn't dilating with the drip of oxytocin, they thought it would be a long shot for the misoprostol to work but I wanted to exhaust all of my options first before having to go the C-section route.
I only experienced 2 or 3 contractions on this drug. After 4 hours (around 7 pm), and no real contractions, they decided it was time for the C-section. I had been consulted prior to this but in the moment, it felt like the decision had been made for me by the OB on staff. I do know that it was the most logical option, as I had not dilated any further than 2.5 cms, and since I was now on day 2 of my membranes being ruptured, I was at a higher risk of infection (not to mention this whole time I am also being pumped full of antibiotics for the GBS diagnosis). At this point, I was so swollen everywhere - my already non existent ankles were truly distance memories at this point. I was truly the real life version of the Michelin man.
In order to prep for the surgery, I was met by the anesthesiologist who explained the way the procedure would work and what I could expect. I was also met by the OB (the fourth one I would see in my two days at the hospital) who had just started his shift. He introduced himself and explained the do's and dont's of what I could do after the surgery and what I could expect. He also ensured I signed my waivers (making sure I don't sue the hospital if they royally fucked up the procedure) and told me he'd meet me in surgery. Thanks, dude!
Speaking of surgeries, this would be my first ever surgery. Luckily Chris would be allowed in the room but he was not allowed to come in initially with me. Once I entered the room, it was like a scene of Grey's Anatomy. They talked about me like I wasn’t there (patient is Lydia...) but the staff all introduced themselves to me as they were performing the various procedures. I was placed on a table and given a spinal tap. Before this, I was sprayed with a freezing agent which would allow them to put the needle into my spine. It felt like a bee sting. The liquid from the spinal tap worked really quickly making all of my lower half completely numb to the touch. I was given a catheter and some morphine was also added into the drip for pain.
In terms of "what it feels like", even though you are frozen, you can still “feel” them touching you (although it does not hurt). I felt as they moved around organs, I felt pressure as they pulled Lina from my uterus (they needed to use a vacuum as she did not want to vacate).
Lina was born at 9:25pm on February 7th, weighing 8lbs, 14oz. As soon as I heard her cry, I started to cry happy tears. Chris and I were on the other side of the screen shield, so I could not actually see anything that was happening to my lower half (although I could see a little bit in the mirrored reflection of the light above me). Lina was brought to the weighing machine and then she was brought to my chest for skin to skin. She would not stop crying - she cried for her first entire hour of life. I will not lie, having her crying so loudly in my face was very traumatic - since my arms were both in IVs, I wasn’t able to actually hold or comfort her (Chris was able to hold her on me and on himself). The anesthesiologist and Chris noticed that I was overwhelmed and so they brought Lina out to another room so I could finish getting stitched back up (as they were still doing this when we had our skin to skin behind the curtain).
Once stitched, I was brought out to the room where Chris and Lina were so I could do more skin to skin and breastfeeding. I felt so out of it at this point so I had people stimulating my breasts for me and having her latch and feed. We chatted (although now I don’t even know what about) and then we were brought to our new room where we would remain for the next 48 hours. By this time it was about 11 pm on Sunday.
Those two days were a blur of nurses coming and going from our room (they would come every 4 hours to check on our vitals - mine and Lina’s) but otherwise Chris and I were basically alone with Lina and due to COVID, we were unable to leave the room. All I can say is THANK GOODNESS that Chris has had a child before because I would have had literally zero clue what to do with myself, let alone this little thing that is now relying on me to keep it alive.
We spent Monday tracking all of her pees, poops and getting her fed (breastfeeding is no fucking joke - and we’ll get into a whole other blog post about that!). I was also recovering from a C-section so I was basically stuck to the bed unless I needed to pee (they removed the catheter around 10 am). This left Chris in charge of basically all of the infant care (diaper changes, walking her around to calm her down). For those who know me, you know I am a very independent person. Not being able to be mobile and “help” was very stressful. In addition, my “job” was/is basically to be a human vending machine for my daughter. This was also very difficult (and still is) when you’re starting out. Breastfeeding is NOT easy. We need to stop telling women that it is. It’s hard to figure out (and some can’t even do or even want to). This triggered a breakdown in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Chris was pushing me to ask for help but I didn’t want to. I was embarrassed; embarrassed that I didn’t know how to do something that so many people had told me was “magical” and “natural” and “that the baby knows what to do”. I didn’t want to admit to another woman, let alone a nurse who I had literally just met that morning, that I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing and needed her to show me. Talk about feeling like the one thing you’re supposed to be in charge of, you can’t even do properly. But how would I know how? This is my firstborn. We need to be more honest about breastfeeding so that women don’t feel like they’re failures if they can’t do it. I know it would have definitely helped me not feeling so terrible and maybe I would have asked for help sooner.
We were finally discharged on Tuesday, February 9th, 2021 in the afternoon. Chris and I could not wait to get home to Logan (our 15 year old) and Evee (our dog) who had been hanging out alone in the house since Saturday. All I have to say is, THANK GOD for food delivery services so that Logan was good to go for those couple of days we were gone. He is a pretty self sufficient teen, however, we definitely didn’t have enough groceries since I normally do a run on the weekend and we were now Tuesday. And as anxious as we were, we knew they were equally as anxious for us to get home. The discharge process from the hospital was a little weird. My midwife was responsible for discharging Lina, but not me. Since I had been placed under the care of the OB who did my C-section, I was to be discharged by an OB. Since I didn’t have an OB, I was left with the OBs who do their rounds at the hospital - I was “under the care” of several OBs throughout the couple of days I was there. This created a lot of confusion about who was waiting for whom to allow us to leave. Finally they figured it out and we got the green light. Yay!
Coming home from the hospital, we had another challenge to overcome - introducing Lina to Evee. For those who have had the pleasure of meeting my pup, you know she’s a little bit of a rambunctious one. She is also very excitable and can be aggressive (never with people but with other dogs). To say I was nervous about introducing them would be an understatement. I was terrified. What if Evee tries to attack Lina? What if Lina is allergic? What would we do then? I had read online that introducing the baby could be done by providing the animal with the smell of a piece of clothing so we took the hat she was wearing at the hospital and I went into the house first without Chris and Lina. I said hello to my baby and got her to relax (as she hadn’t seen me in a number of days) and then I offered her the hat to smell. She immediately got excited and started sniffing. I kept reassuring her that she was doing a great job. Next, Chris brought the car seat in with Lina and we let Evee come over and smell her. To say she was excited wouldn’t do it justice - she lost her mind. She kept trying to come close to Lina and because we were unsure if she would be friendly or aggressive, we tried not to let her get too close. When she finally did, after Chris had removed her from the car seat, we realized that all she wanted to do was to give her a few licks. This signaled to us that she was making her part of our pack. Thank goodness! The motherly instinct that Lina opened up in Evee is like nothing I have ever seen before in her. The first night she was so concerned about every little noise and coo - even more so than me (which is hilarious because I was also very concerned). Anytime Lina would make a noise, Evee would run to the side of her bassinet and stare at me from the bed like “Uhhhh, she needs you!! Come get her?!” By the second night, Evee had successful mastered which noises were cries (actual ones that needed a pick up) and the ones which were just noises babies make. It’s been so cute to see their little bond forming.
Now as I write this, on day 7 (officially a week!) of having Lina home, I can honestly say that this experience is nothing like I ever thought it would be. I guess you never truly know how a child will impact your life but it's been amazing to see how much our family felt like it was missing this little girl. Seeing my two boys (Chris and Logan) and my pup be so enamored with this little one that is half of me and half of her dad is something truly amazing and I can't wait to see what's to come.
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I will be writing another blog post about our first week home - the highs and lows. Hopefully can have that up within the next week or two. Stay tuned!