If this is your first post, make sure to check out the first one of this mini series - Lina Michelle - My birth story/coming home.
Whoa, we made it! Week 1 down, a lifetime to go!
With week 1 officially coming to a close, I wanted to be able to talk about some of the things I expected to experience in my first week postpartum and some of the ones I didn't anticipate. My hope is that this will shed some light on the good, the bad and the ugly of the fourth trimester (the first three months of baby’s life outside of the womb) and provide some guidance on how to prepare (or provide solidarity to those currently going through it!).
C-section recovery
Despite all my efforts to have a vaginal, unmedicated birth, my darling Lina did not want to come out naturally. Due to the fact that I would not dilate larger than 2.5 cms, she had to be delivered by Cesarean (C-section). This type of delivery was the only thing that I had been really adamant about not wanting. I was aware that the recovery time for this procedure was up to 6 weeks and that during this time I wouldn’t be able to lift anything heavier than Lina. What I didn’t understand was that I wouldn’t be able to do much of anything that I had previously enjoyed doing either - walking around the block with my dog, taking nice hot baths, driving myself around. The recovery for the C-section was my worst nightmare come true - I would need to rely on my husband and stepson for 6 whole weeks while I recovered from surgery.
Now I know some of you are thinking, “Lydia, that sounds like a dream. You literally have two guys waiting on your every need and you can just chill and watch the baby.” Let me tell you, that is not my idea of a dream. I absolutely hate asking people to do things for me. Mainly because I have my own way of doing things and I usually want things done right away but, most importantly, because the act of asking someone to grab something for you (especially when it’s on another floor or you aren’t really sure what you’re looking for) is really challenging. It really challenges your ability to communicate what you want/need - something I have never been exceptionally good at doing.
Not only was I having to ask for help, I also didn’t anticipate the bleeding that occurs after. I naively assumed that when you have a C-section that there wouldn‘t be any of the typical after delivery things that you would experience for a vaginal birth. Nope! I would learn that I would continue to bleed for up to six weeks while my body worked on getting my uterus and my insides back to their pre-pregnancy versions. That, and making sure that I keep the incision site clean and dry to ensure that I don’t get an infection or rip my stitches. This would prove to be pretty challenging considering where the incision site is. Cause I don’t know about you ladies, but that area of my body tends to get a little sweaty at the best of times. Add in all the hormones and the sweating that occurs after a C-section to get all the fluids out of your body, and keeping that site dry is like trying to tell a child to wait to open their presents on Christmas morning. Not gonna happen!
Hormones
Oh, the hormones. So no one really tells you about all of the feelings you will experience when you bring that little bundle home from the hospital. As you can imagine, you will feel the typical one - happiness. Happiness that your baby is finally outside of your body and you can finally see them, talk to them and shower them with all the love you did while they were inside you. What you don’t imagine, is that you will also feel some pretty dark ones too - anger, disgust, worry. Anger that you are now expected to be a 24/7 vending machine for this little one and that it will most definitely impact your ability to do basic human things, like sleep. Disgust that can cause you to try to avoid things like holding the baby or interacting with them because you want to be able to do something for yourself, instead of for them. Worry that you made a terrible decision in having this child because you feel like you are in no way, shape or form ready to be raising a child. Especially when you're feeling like you can’t even look after yourself right now.
And those are just some of the feelings related to your child. There are others - about your body, about your relationship with your partner and other children (if applicable). What is important to understand is that your body is going through so many changes after childbirth. The highs and lows that you feel are completely normal - you don’t have to be obsessed with your baby 24/7. You’re allowed to think they’re an asshole when you have woken up for the 800th time in the night because they are crying. What is not normal is having these thoughts constantly and losing interest in things that used to bring you joy or happiness. This will look different for everyone and why it’s important for you to have a conversation with your partner before you come home from the hospital so that they can keep an eye out for how you’re feeling/doing - this way they can seek medical attention for you, if required.
Sleep deprivation
So many people told me about the sleepless nights so this one was not foreign to me. What was foreign to me was that I would be unable to nap during the day (as I had been used to doing both pre and during my pregnancy) because when Lina would go down for a nap, I would be too awake to actually rest or I wanted to continue holding her as she slept or, and most honestly, I wanted to be able to clean the house or do something for myself.
I also didn’t understand that babies need to be fed through the night (this is obvious now but I was not thinking about it at the time), which meant that I wouldn’t be getting consecutive hours of sleep either. For me, this would be challenging as I had been used to getting at least 8-9 hours of sleep during my pregnancy. Running on 3-4 hours of sleep is ok when you’re doing it for a short period of time, but this would be my normal for the next couple of months and I would need to find ways to get more sleep in (ideally during the day). I’m still working on this one!
Communication
This one is oh so closely related to the hormones and sleep deprivation in the ways that these two things severely diminish your ability to communicate with yourself and your partner/other family members.
The first week was a blur but I do distinctly remember a few times that my husband, Chris, and I were trying to explain to each other what we needed and although we were both talking, neither of us were actually hearing the other one. This led to a few little fights and tears (mine) that could have been avoided had both of us gotten more sleep and I wasn’t experiencing the rainbow of hormones.
Thankfully, Chris and I have a very open communication style in our relationship and so we were able to sit down and really talk through what was going on. I don’t think that couples do enough to prepare themselves for how they will parent the first couple of weeks/months of their baby’s life. I feel like this is something that couples should definitely prioritize - learning how to communicate on very few hours of sleep and understanding how each party relaxes or unwinds (Chris likes to put on TV and relax but for me, I can’t actually fall asleep when the TV is on because my mind is too engaged). It will help to avoid a lot of unnecessary arguments and miscommunications.
Routines
For those who know me well, you know that I thrive on my morning routine. I think the biggest success that we have had this past week was in creating a good routine (keeping in mind that it’s not super rigid because newborns are a little unpredictable). What has helped us in creating this routine was using an app to track Lina’s outputs (pees and poops) and her feedings. The app that we have been using is called Huckleberry. This app allows us to know the last time she had a feeding or a diaper change, which helps in trying to figure out “why is she crying?!”, especially when it’s hard to know what time of the day it is when every day feels like Groundhog Day. So far, she is in a pretty good routine where she’ll feed at 11pm/12am and then won’t feed again until about 3/4am. This way, I’m only getting up once in the night to feed/change her. Then she will sleep until about 730/8am, giving me enough time to grab a shower and get ready for the day. Hopefully, she stays like this (or her sleep gets longer), but having this little bit of consistency has been really helpful in keeping us sane.
So there you have it - a little recap of the things I expected and those I didn't in Lina's first week of life. It's crazy to think at how quickly that week flew by and I know that is just foreshadowing of the way the next year is going to fly by with her. As someone who constantly likes to plan and achieve new things, it is really hard for me to be present in the moments sometimes, but I'm hoping that it is something that I will get better at with time because as they say, they really do grow up before you know it!