This post is part 2 of my breastfeeding series. To read part 1, click here.
To be honest, I'm not even sure when the questions turned from "are you breastfeeding?" to "are you still breastfeeding?" but if I had to wager a guess, I would say it was shortly after Lina turned 1.
Now, I get it. I honestly did not think I would be one of these moms. The one who is still nursing their toddler. Prior to having my own kids, I agreed with friends and family members when they passed judgement on mothers who were still breastfeeding their kids.
"There must be something wrong with them."
"Why can't they let it go? The kid has teeth for god sakes!"
"If they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old to be breastfeeding."
I know. I've heard, and thought, them all.
When we first started our journey, I was so determined to get to 12 months. In the early days, it was difficult and emotionally draining but now, as our sessions have drastically reduced (she nurses before bed and naps on the weekends), I find comfort in the time where it is just the two of us. The daily worries and stress fades away and it's just stillness for a while. I am not ready for these moments to be over and, lucky for me, neither is she.
When you're reading this, Lina will be 30 months this week and I truly don't see any end in sight for us. I am also, unfortunately, still awkward when people ask me this question. So, I felt compelled to talk about extended breastfeeding as a way to "bring it out of the closet" and get people thinking about what it means and maybe offer another side of the conversation which is often not available.
Why are we so critical of mothers who breastfeed beyond 1 year?
I wish I had a better explanation that capitalism but I don't. Here in Canada, we are fortunate to have the ability to take up to 18 months of parental leave. Most families financially cannot afford to take 18 months as the employment insurance (EI) benefit you receive is 33% of your annual salary up to a maximum amount (when I was on leave this maximum amount was under 60k). This ended up providing about $383 per week (or $1532 per month). I don't know about you, but my family could not afford this. As the primary breadwinner, our family was/is counting on my salary to support our lifestyle. So, like many other Canadian women, I went back to work after 12 months.
For breastfeeding mothers, this return to work makes us assess our lives and what we will need to do to continue to support our babies, families and our employers. For some, like myself, they will continue to breastfeed/pump or do a combination of both. Unfortunately, many jobs do not allow a mother to continue breastfeeding (not able to take adequate breaks, no access to private areas or equipment, etc.) so many will plan to end when they return to work.
For the mothers who plan to stop, they may regard the mother who does not as a trigger. This will cause them to be critical of this other mother's choice to continue to breastfeed their child as a slight to her own mothering. On the other hand, mothers who breastfeed or continue beyond 12 months, might look at another woman who does not as not being able to understand her struggles and see her as someone in opposition to her. In either scenario, we're forgetting one crucial thing -- someone's feeding journey is truly no one else's business other than the mother and the child's. I still do not understand why people, who are neither the breastfeeding mother or the child, have any opinion to make about the matter. We need to remember that what works for us may not work for another mother and that it's truly none of our fucking business anyways.
But, since people still ask me this question and it continues to be a polarizing issue, I figured I would talk about the benefits of breastfeeding past 12 months.
Benefits of breastfeeding
There are a number of benefits for breastfeeding, in general, but also for moms and their children who continue past 12 months.
Nutrition: Your breast milk gives complete nutrition for your infant. As they get older, your breast milk changes to meet their needs. Even if your toddler eats three meals a day, your milk provides valuable nutrients.
Improved immunity: When you or your baby are exposed to germs and begin to get sick, your breast milk includes antibodies to help fight off infections. Your milk continues to give special cells and antibodies that improve short- and long-term immunity.
Fewer health risks for mothers: As a mother, you benefit, too. Breastfeeding for 12 or more months lowers your risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes.
These health benefits alone, in my opinion, are a good reason to continue breastfeeding past 12 months, if that is something you and your child want to do (or are able to do). However, there is another benefit that I want to highlight (from my own experience).
Bonding: Breastfeeding requires both mother and child to "stop" doing other things to focus on feeding. It also helps both mother and child to regulate each other. I don't know about you but having a couple of minutes to stop and just be are always welcomed in my life!
Now, just like anything, there are also challenges or downsides to continuing to breastfeeding past 12 months.
Negatives or challenges of breastfeeding (past 12 months)
For me, I think the biggest challenge has been the opinions of others (including family members and friends). I like to say that I am pretty confident in myself as a person but I do find that when it comes to motherhood, I am less confident in my decisions. When I hear disapproval from friends and family members on my decision to continue breastfeeding, I won't lie that it makes me doubt myself and the choices I have made. If I could share advice to well-meaning friends and family, I would say that if you mean well (and I hope that you do), if you don't agree, please just don't say anything. Motherhood is tough in the best scenarios without having to navigate the feelings of others concerning your decisions.
The second challenge I have found is in determining or deciding when Lina and I will end our journey. I assumed that, like most of the children of the people I know, Lina would tell me when she was done breastfeeding. Candidly, I was hoping this would be the case so I wouldn't have to "make the decision" of when to stop. Since we're now venturing closer and closer to her third birthday, it's likely that I will need to make this decision at some point. Since breastfeeding has been engrained into our nighttime routine, I know this will be challenging when it stops. I am not looking forward to this challenge, but I know it will come eventually.
Like every decision in parenthood, breastfeeding is one that the family will have to determine what works for them. If you're a parent, you know that every decision you make concerning your children is made with the utmost care and consideration. I know that it is challenging as a human being to see someone who is making a different decision than you and to not have feelings about it. That's normal. What is not normal is feeling entitled to provide your thoughts or feelings about the situation to the parent who is doing things different than you (of course this is different if the decision poses a safety risk but, even then, the method in which you deliver this message should always be made with care).
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Considering this week is National Breastfeeding week, my hope is that in sharing our journey, if you are/were someone who believes that extended breastfeeding is "wrong" or "taboo", that I have offered you something to think about and, as always, if you want to talk more about it, my DMs are always open.
If you're an extended breastfeeding mama, I would love to hear about your experience, if you're comfortable sharing - and know you are not alone!